Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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