I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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