look no pants
Me too!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
