Your tits are I can't wait for
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize