I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I did not marry a roomba.
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