I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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