2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i think i have two assholes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
