i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
