Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
