You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
