I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
