9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize