Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
