I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
