The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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