Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
