dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
