Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize