walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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