if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
