i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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