Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
