I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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