Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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