fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
