Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
