And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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