Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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