If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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