I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize