Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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