I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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