Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
