the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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