Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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