What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You need Xanax blowdarts
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
