Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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