I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
