Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
