I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
third nipple confirmed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
