Just cropdusted the office
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
