I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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