the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
