Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
