this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
