dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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