i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize