my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
