i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have post one night stand depression
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
