As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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