I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
