and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
