she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
