You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
