i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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