I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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