What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
