If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
