Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
