yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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