Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
