His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
