i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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