I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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