I cockslap morals
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
