every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
His hands were made for my vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
