I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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