I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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