Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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