i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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