yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
