WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
