Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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