At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
