My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It all started with a game of naked twister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
