apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
