My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
