I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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