Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
