I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
